It's been one of those weeks where everything is woe is me...life is so hard...no one understands. So I just didn't write, which you should all be grateful for. For those who don't know, I babysit full-time for 3 wonderful children (and that's not an exaggeration) plus I have two of my own. Owen goes to school full day, but he comes in around 2:15, so he is there part of the time, too. I find myself driving to and from preschool, changing a diaper, playing a game, picking up the game, making lunch, cleaning lunch, back to preschool, get Owen at the grade school, and back to the preschool five days a week. Evenings consist of soccer games, church events, and Bible Study. I'm also closing in on running my first (and only) marathon, so that takes up one night as well (yes, one night because honestly I've given up on running the other days that I'm supposed to). So needless to say, I find myself exhausted at the end of the week. However, this past weekend ended with Nick having to go out of town for work, and me taking on the weekend by myself. So of course the whining sets in, and with whining comes bitterness, and bitterness brings fret...and blah, blah, blah.
Things haven't been moving so quickly or smoothly in the adoption world, so of course I whine. "God, this is what YOU wanted us to do, so....where is the ease of it all?" Why is my faith so quick to fade when I get the slightest bit of resistance? I always see the lesson and the joy after I get through a trial, but during it? Not so much. But then my wonderful, insightful husband tells me to stop whining to him and whine to HIM. Is that really ok? Is that respectful? Well, maybe I shouldn't whine, but it is ok to tell him our disappointments, our frustrations, our fears, and He will listen. He promises peace, "Come to me all ye who are weary and I will give you rest." So that's what I did, and you know what...peace. Suddenly, I get my focus again, I see His purpose and I know that He is leading us.
Last night Nick said something that just made me see everything in a fresh perspective, "I just feel like I need to be in Africa holding my little girl right now." And Amra prays, "Lord, please let our little baby know that we love her and will be there to get her in a year." It's then I remember, its not about me or the paper or the timeline, it's about bringing an orphan to a place that's her home.