Thursday, February 17, 2011

How Do I Begin?

I lay in my bed watching the minutes tick by. I call her phone to get her voicemail just to hear her voice again. 11:50 passes...she's been a gone a week already.

I've been stalling to start a post. I don't know how to begin. I don't know what to say since my mom passed away. I don't know if I should do a short, to-the-point memorial or a long tribute to the woman I counted on for everything.

There are so many memories I could share that would help to shed light on who my mom was, but they are so special to me. In my mind, these are so precious. I'm afraid that if I used my limited, human vocabulary that the memory would be cheapened.

So how do I start again and share my deep loss with you?

I've been receiving mass amounts of cards sharing sympathies for our loss. I've never seen such an outpouring of love from those closest to me and from some I don't even know. It's overwhelming, but very comforting.

One card I was given, says "Your mother lives on through you." Those are some big shoes to fill. I am but a pale reflection of the woman that I daily strive to be. My mom was patient...I'm not. My was kind and gentle...I'm a bit of cynic. My mom was not self-seeking...I'm always judging how the situation affects me. She never kept a record of wrong...I am known to hold a grudge or two. She was never easily angered...have you ever seen my temper? Enough said.

Through all the trials she faced her entire life, she always protected the ones she loved, always trusted God, always had hope, and always persevered. Even to the end.

"Love Never Fails," 1 Corinthians 13:8. I could count on my mom for everything.

I wanted to share one more note that Nick and I received from some very dear friends of ours. I cried the moment I read it. My mom lived to be a wife, mother, and grandmother and nothing could be more honoring to her than this:

"We would like to make a donation to your adoption fund in loving memory of Erin's mom. We know she will be rejoicing in Heaven when "Baby K" is brought home. We could think of nothing better to honor her than to help you both raise another one of her grandbabies up to know of her courage, love, and faith in God!"

I miss her every minute.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Erin, my heart hurts for you and this immense loss. What can I do? Pray. Seems not enough. Please know you are being lifted up. Hugs.