Monday, January 31, 2011

Faith Like a Child...

I have two full-time jobs: a mom and a daycare provider. Both jobs bring a lot of joy and laughter to my home. It means I can wear sweatshirts, jeans and socks around "my office" all day. It means I can play all day. But it also means that most of my inspiration for my blog is from my clients...the kids.

Kids offer a lot of material to write on. They always have a lesson to teach me: about my personality, my patience quotient and how to see and live through the eyes of a child.

Lately, life has be fairly uneventful at the Kellerstrass house.

Can I hear a resounding "AMEN!"

The lack of adventure in our daily life doesn't mean everything is suddenly perfect, it just means God likes me to reflect during these times and see what He is and has been doing. Its a moment where I can breathe and say "God what are you trying to reveal to me that I can be working and praying on?"

For six years now (since June 3, 2004 to be exact), we have had a child accompany us in our bed nightly. There are no extra bodies in our bed at the beginning of the night, but by 1:30 in the morning there is usually an extra bunk mate or two.

For some reason beyond me, Nick and I decided that when we bought our mattress (pre-children) that we would not need a bed bigger than a queen and that we would just snuggle with our kids. WRONG!!! Never, ever make a decision about what you will or will not do once you have children before you have children. Kids change everything!!!

Lately, the whole sharing a bed situation has gotten worse. It is a regular occurence that within an hour of Nick and I going to bed Amra and Wrigley will join us. Four in a queen size bed just doesn't work. Nick is now a resident of the bottom bunk in the boys' room. He and Owen are bunkmates, and I share with the other two.

Yesterday I decided that enough was enough. It was time for me to reclaim what is rightfully mine! Amra and Wrigley will stay in their ands, ifs, or buts about it.

I'm not the best of people to mess with in the middle of the night. I'm cranky and tired and DO NOT enjoy having my sleep interrupted. At the punctual time of 11:33 (an hour after I slipped into my coma), Amra came into the room crying about how scared she was. I had already drawn my line in the sand, and I was not going to allow her to cross it.

I picked up my little girl and carried her back to her bed. Instead of being angry, I took a second to sit on the edge of her bed and offered to pray with her. She closed her eyes and I asked Jesus to give her peace and to take away her fear. I prayed that she would feel His sense of protection and get a full night's rest. I opened my eyes and looked at her and realized her eyes were closed. I gave her a kiss and said goodnight, and she told me she loved me.

I walked back to my room, prayed another prayer that she really would feel a sense of peace and waited. And waited. And waited. And she never came back. She slept the entire night in her room without another sound. I couldn't believe it!

I've been watching alot of movies lately. I signed up for Netflix and have been consumed in the number of movies and t.v. shows I can watch at the press of a button. Its like heaven for a movie buff! Last night, I watched the recent BBC remake of The Diary of Anne Frank.

Sure this girl was a thirteen year old girl, who behaved like a thirteen year old girl would, but if I take this movie and remember that this is a true story of a young Jewish girl, I realize that this child had more faith than I can ever imagine! To be hidden in a room while people wanting to end your life are right outside those very walls, is hard to comprehend. To still be able to go on living, when there are bombs exploding around you and no where to run and hide is unimaginable. This young girl and her family were hanging on to every strand of faith they could muster just to live through two years of hiding.

Do I truly have the faith of a child? Not the kind of faith that brings us to our knees, weeping and crying out to God when the trial seems bigger than we can bear. But the kind of faith that gets us through the little fears and uncertainties that we face each day. To truly believe that God will provide every need, that He will protect us on each trip to the grocery store. To know that He holds our very lives in His hands and that He knows what is best for us each and every day, better than we know ourselves?

It's this faith that I need to be working on. To lean on Him for everything, not just the big things that I know I can't control anyway. My life is His, and I need to hand every bit of it to Him.

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