I'm a slightly rebellious person.
Ask my parents...
I'm not your normal rebel where I go against the basic rules like speeding, texting while driving, drinking or doing drugs, I typically rebel against the commands in the Bible that tell us to obey our parents, submit to your husband, and respect authority. With me it's an attitude thing. If someone tells me I have to do something or in my mind I have to do something, I feel the sudden urge to completely ignore the direction and do the opposite. NO ONE tells me what to do.
Unfortunately this also crosses into the diet issue. I decided that after the holidays it's time to buckle down and go on a diet and start running again. Only I know how much I consumed over the last two weeks and how much extra fluff I added to my waistline over the holidays...and it's not pretty. So I decide to start a diet plan. I get online and make my meal plans, print up the grocery list...and decide I just can't stick to that.
The excuses begin rolling off my tongue as if I'm trying to recite the alphabet in ten seconds or less. Ok, that won't work. I'll just try eating in moderation, that has always worked before and I'm training for a Half Marathon in May so the running will take care of the rest. Suddenly EVERY junk food item in my house needs to be eaten so they are no longer accessible. But who will take care of eating these things? Me.
Ok, so my diet will start tomorrow after I've eaten all the junk food in the house so that it is no longer a temptation. So after a long night on the couch gorging myself with the rest of the Christmas M&M's, chips (which I don't even like), soda, etc, etc, etc, I go into sloth mode and suddenly running, walking, even sitting up seems like a lot of unnecessary work.
Welcome to the mid-winter blahs. I think this is what happens every year after the joy and excitement of the holidays wears off, my stomach has expanded and all I can think about is that I'm stuck in the house for 3 more months. Blah.
It doesn't just affect my health, it affects my mind. The creative juices just aren't flowing these days. Nothing seems interesting enough to write about. Nothing sparks my interest enough to actually sit down and share it with everyone, so that is my excuse for the slow updates that will or will not be occurring over the next 3 months.
I just had to let everyone know, however, that this has been a very successful week on the adoption front. Things have been moving forward and it is just so exciting to us to finally feel like we are moving forward in this process. This week we had all of our physicals, TB Tests (it took two nurses and myself to hold Owen down for his, the kids is TERRIFIED of needles), and HIV Tests to complete the health portion. Adoption Education has been ordered and delivered! Birth Certificates and Marriage Certificate are being delivered, and we finished our CPR Training today! I love all the check marks I've made this last week on my long list of things to do!
Wednesday is the beginning of our actual home study. We have the all the paperwork and prerequisites done, now its just the actual homestudy that we will be undergoing. I'm a little nervous. I keep picturing it in my mind: my kids will be all excited about the new visitor in the house and they will decide it's time to show off aka be CRAZY!
It never fails. Whenever a guest comes to the house it's as if instantly they ate five pixie sticks and drank a can of Jolt (I personally know this feeling from my jr. high slumber party days, it's pretty scary). I can just see her walking into my house, see my out of control children (who actually are very well behaved), see the stress in my eyes as I'm concerned about the small toy I just noticed in the corner that never got put away, see Nick as he just watches in amusement the manic children running around, and the words written on my file:
Not only unfit to adopt a child but to take care of her own children.
Ok, I'm actually not that concerned, but the thought has crossed my mind. What if they don't think I'm good enough to take care of my own children? What if I don't have enough smoke detectors? What if the cleaning supplies and medicine aren't up high enough? What if the batteries on the Carbon Monoxide Detector decide to stop working right when she arrives? WHAT IF? WHAT IF? WHAT IF?
This is where I need a moment to breathe and remember that we were called here to fulfill a mission. God didn't bring us to this place to abandon us right in the middle of the chaos. He is here to guide us every step of the way. He is the one who brought peace during the months of inaction. He is the one who gave me the break to be able to care for my mom and family when they needed me. And He is the one who is now giving my mom a break so that I can concentrate on the stage in this journey where I need to be proactive.
My goal is to be on the waiting list by the end of February. It may or may not happen, but will I get discouraged? No, because His timing is perfect and mine is not.
"Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust...Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare." Psalms 40:4,5